took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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