We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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