The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
