Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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