I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
