The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
