five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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