The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
