My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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