ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
