I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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