One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize