If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
