U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish there were birth control emojis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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