someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
