my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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