If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
