I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
