I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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