idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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