We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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