That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
