You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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