TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize