You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
