what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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