A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
