i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
