girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
