Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
