i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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