the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vagina just clenched in fear
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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