I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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