All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
