k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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