I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize