I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
