My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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