omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
