he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
