I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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