Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
