These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
