nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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