did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
