So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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