last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
only you would photoshop your dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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