I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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