I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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