proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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