shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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