Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
