i think my tv is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i have two assholes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
