i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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