I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
