I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize