I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
