I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
