i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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