Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
