you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
