addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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