Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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