I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
