Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
