Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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