Don't make out with my wife yet
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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