There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
