how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
