was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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