people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
