You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
