the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
