Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Vodka?
Forever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize