I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize