Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I pour the whiskey from now on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
